Savory Saturday- Crockpot Beef Stroganoff

Crock pot Beef Stroganoff

Ingredients:
2 pounds cubed stew meat
2 cans Condensed Golden Mushroom Soup
1 diced large onion
... 2-3-4 T Worcestershire sauce
1/2 C water
8 oz cream cheese
1 t Garlic Salt.
half clove of diced garlic

Directions
In the slow cooker stir in all the ingredients, except the meat and Cream Cheese.
Once combined add the meat and mix together.

Cook on Low for 8 hours.
Cut up the cream cheese into cubes just before serving and turn crock pot on high.
Stir the cream cheese in until all combined.
Let set for 10 minutes.
Serve over egg noodles or mashed potatoes.

I made this...I added a can of mushrooms to it...and only cooked on low for 6hrs...also added a little sour cream...and my boys loved it

Friday Five- Staying sane in an insane world

Five songs that help me when I have the blues.

1. Drowning Pool- Bodies
2. Miles Davis- It never entered my mind
3. NIN- Down in it (Or most anything from Pretty Hate Machine)
4. Metallica- Enter Sandman (Or the entire Black Album)
5. Gotye- Somebody that I used to know

Bonus tracks-

1. Dan Hill- Never Thought
2. The Jeff Healy Band- Angel Eyes
3. Kenny Loggins- I'm free
4. Chris Deburgh- Lady in Red
5. Ozzy Osbourne- Crazy Train

Music can change my entire day for better or worse. I have issues with certain Elvis because they remind me of my Father. And Lady by Kenny Rogers is connected to a douchetastic twatwaffle who I never care to see ever again.

I could go on and on with the music thread. Seriously.

Happy Halloween y'all!!

Friday Five - Casually Cruel

Shit has gone bat-crap-crazy here in the palace of Chuck Taylor goodness (is that a thing? Can I make it one?).  So, I've done what I always do, I kicked up the MP3 player and gone deep into the best places of my music catalog.  Here we go, what I listen to when I feel like everything is upside down and backwards and I start to wonder if I'm the normal one and NOT the quirky one.  WTF?

1.  Taylor Swift - All Too Well
2.  Lee Ann Womack - I'll Think Of A Reason Later
3.  Lady Antebellum - Compass
4.  Luke Bryan - Do I
5. Taylor Swift (yes, again, stfu) with Gary Lightbody - The Last Time

What's on  your list, y'all?  What shakes loose your funk?  Or puts it back in its proper place?

A Feisty redhead again!

I'm a feisty redhead again! Look out boys! I was dark brown and said hell why not go at it again. This photo doesn't do it justice... I am so happy to be a redhead again. I have missed having my hair match my personality! Now we are truly TWINSIES again!!!

This is the highlight of my night, it's been a long day and I am ready for bed. Working the two jobs wears me out but I need the money. Other than that I am doing okay.

Can we talk Part 2 - Or "Please shut up, Eri"

Dr. Phil is shining a very bright light on domestic violence this year.  Today's case is of a woman who was beaten by her UFC fighter husband.  She admits that he blackened her eye, bloodied her lip and caused her to hide in the bushes where he found her and ordered her inside where she hid in the bathroom.  Until he broke the door where he continued to punch her in the head.  He is now in jail awaiting trial (I believe).  She is on Dr Phil's show not to talk about how she left but to talk about how and why she is staying.

Please understand, I know that there about a million reasons why women stay.  I do.  There's an entire twitter campaign about it.  But this woman is sitting on a worldwide stage literally laughing at the threats that this man made against her as Dr. Phil reads them.  I would like to say that I felt sorry for her, because I do.  But more than anything, I'm shocked at her cavalier attitude towards a very serious subject.  She has not only admitted to being beaten, but she has been beaten by a trained fighter in one of the most brutal sports out there.  This man needs to be stopped or she will be just another tragedy.  A woman who thought she was just standing by her man, played with her life and ultimately lost it in the charade.

Yesterday I posted this on my private Facebook .  It's gut-wrenching and contains very vivid imagery of profound emotional abuse.  It may be triggering to some.  Please don't click that link if you are still in danger.  Please don't click that link if you have not healed past the point of being triggered by something like this.  But if you are somewhere safe, if you are appropriately past the point of utter devastation, then please do read that story.  Remember that not all abuse is as physical as the abuse as I described above.  And please, God, not one more day.  Not one more woman.  There is no excuse, ever, for a man to put his hands on a woman.  EVER.  There is no excuse for a man to stand by and watch a man beat a woman.  EVER.  There is no reason for a man to belittle and emotionally abuse a woman just so he can feel like a bigger and better man.  EVER.  There may be a million reasons why a woman stays, but there are a billion reasons why she can and should leave.  And there are resources.  You'll find them below.  But please hear me, please.  Not one more woman.  Ever.

Help can be found here, here (note: this is Robin McGraw's effort against domestic violence, if you click around on that site, there is an app for your phone that provides multiple benefits including a GPS locator and something that will let you send an instant text saying that you need help to whomever you wish to contact, I cannot recommend this enough, but I don't have fancy pants enough of a phone to know how to tell you to use the app) and here.

Men: you can do better.  Women: you deserve better.  Moms: we can raise better.

Not one more woman.  EVER.

Can We Talk - Your loss

There's somethin' that's really been gettin' under this pretty Irish skin lately.  There are people who are bonded to you by blood or by marriage who really bring nothing to the table.  Do you ever think to yourself that it's their loss and not yours?

Let me give an example but not name any names:  There's someone who is related to me and my boys who has never made one effort to get to know them.  I've thought for a long, long time that it was their loss because HELLO, my boys are fahking fantastic.  But it was really hit home the other day.  This person was big time into all the Guinness World Record stuff.  Stomp brought home one of their books from his school library and immediately went crazy memorizing records (but can't memorize his vocabulary words fahk me)  and I thought "man, they could really bond over this shit" and my very next thought was "well y'know what fahk that, *I* TRIED when really no one else was.  Their loss.  As I get younger  er older, I apply this kind of across the board to relationships.  That doesn't mean I take relationships lightly.  On the contrary, I think I take relationships and friendships very seriously.  But when it becomes obvious I'm carrying the whole thing, the entire weight of the friendship or the relationship, I have enough sense to say "I'm out, yo".  And when it's about me, I still think it's their loss.  I'm not perfect, I have a great host of flaws that I am perfectly willing to own.  But I'm willing to give and give and give in a friendship.  And when it come to my boys, it's a clear-cut-case of their loss.  Who doesn't want to know a smart, loving, kind 10 year-old-boy (do you know rare those are these days?) or a 3 year-old hockey enforcer monkey-wannabe?

Crazy people, that's who.

Andy and Amy's Haunted House

It's not entirely wordless, but I do promise it will make you laugh your ass off.  Pay attention to when he says "I am your man and I am holding you" and "STOP IT.  STOP IT NOW." and my personal favorite, "I am PROTECTING you!"  Also, check out that kick-ass Sid and Nancy shirt he's rocking.  I told Stomp last night that the best day of tv all year long was when Ellen makes Andy & Amy go through the Haunted House.  If you want to check it out this year, it'll be on tomorrow.

*No, Ellen does not pay me any money.  Ellen does not even know who I am, despite the fact that my 3 year old dances naked to her, declares that he "looooves Eh-En" and he sings her songs that we then send to her.  This is not a paid endorsement, it's just a "Watch Ellen because that shit is fahkin' funny, yo".*

What exactly makes a knife a "penis knife"?

It's Monday...no wait, FAHK, it's Tuesday.  So it's Tuesday, and I would like to say that I have been so wicked productive y'all would be proud.  So far this week, I have:

1. laid in bed and groaned in pain Uhhhhh finished 3 homework assignments for school
2. cried about the weather like a little ole lady talked to Stomp about being a kind, thoughtful human being
3. brought sexy back to limping taught Boston all about who really cut John Wayne's pee-pee off
4. slept  Yes, y'all, THAT John Wayne
5. watched way too many episodes of the Blacklist  Debated the merits of what is an appropriate penis knife

Get out of my Head!!!! Sing Along Sunday

I sincerely apologize for this, however, my kids have played this song a bajillion times in the last month or so. I can't get it out of my head, so I thought I would share. I hate this shit!!! Enjoy.

http://youtu.be/IJNR2EpS0jw

Sleepy but wanna Snuggle, Sunday

Bed has been calling my name ALL DAY... but not just that was I want someone to hold me close, cuddle and kiss me and remind me of all the things about me that are beautiful.

I am not feeling it today. I just wanna cuddle, snuggle and be warm.. next to someone who I know would do ANYTHING for me... but alas I do not have that.


My husband is nothing like that. He's not very emotional. I think over the years we have both experienced so much hurt and pain we've built walls and we have even kept one another out. This has left both of us cold towards one another... *sigh*

I guess cuddling up under my blankets and putting my hand under my cheek and pretending it's someone who cares about me is all I have left in my life at this time.

Sing Along Sunday- Unwell

Because this song captures my current state of mind so well... Watch "Matchbox 20 - Unwell ( with lyrics )" on YouTube
Matchbox 20 - Unwell ( with lyrics ): http://youtu.be/StFfXP4eAgU

This link wasn't working the other day so forgive me if it still isn't. Seriously, I cooked dinner and washed sheets and blankets today but I just don't have the drive to boot up the laptop and fix it.

"All night hearing voices telling me that I should get some sleep because tomorrow might be good for something...feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown and I don't know why. I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell..."

I have completely lost focus. The only things that I get pleasure out of is spending time with my family and even then I have moments when I have to run away and be alone. I can't get to sleep or I can't get enough sleep. When I do sleep, I have horrible nightmares unless I take anxiety meds. And I cannot seem to get well. School is suffering. I don't know what to do or where to turn. I am absolutely lost.

To be clear, I am in no way suicidal or homicidal.... I am depressed.

Savory Saturday- Slow Cooker Chicken with 40 Cloves of Garlic and fingerling potatoes

Slow Cooker Chicken and 40 Cloves

Ingredients

1 tablespoon olive oil
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 pounds skinless chicken thighs
40 cloves (about 3 heads) garlic, peeled
1 1/2 cups dry white wine
2 tablespoons Cognac or brandy
1/2 cup homemade or store-bought low sodium chicken stock
2 tablespoons fresh-squeezed lemon juice, plus 1 lemon, cut into wedges, divided
4 sprigs fresh thyme
2 bay leaves
1 1/2 pounds fingerling potatoes

Procedures

1

Heat oil in a large skillet until shimmering. Generously season chicken with salt and pepper and brown on both sides, about 8 minutes total. Transfer to the slow cooker, along with garlic, wine, Cognac, stock, lemon juice, bay leaves, thyme, and potatoes. Season with a pinch of salt and pepper and cook on the low setting for 6 hours.

2

Because the sauce is fairly thin, you may want to reduce it on the stovetop. To do so, discard the thyme and bay leaves and strain liquid into a small stockpot over medium-high heat, reserving garlic and potatoes. Simmer until desired thickness is reached, about 10 minutes.

3

Season with salt and pepper to taste if necessary, and serve chicken with potatoes, garlic, and sauce, passing lemon wedges for squeezing on top.

http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2014/01/slow-cooker-chicken-40-cloves-garlic-fingerling-potato-recipe.html

Friday Five- Late

Five things I have been doing instead of blogging...

1. Being sick. First with a stomach bug and then with kidney stones & a UTI. Seriously, I cannot win for losing.

2. Fighting a wicked bout of depression.

3. Snuggling with my kids who seem to subconsciously know that I need them.

4. Sleeping. Every damn minute alone that I can. Relaxation and sleeping sometimes get the kidney stones out.

5. Fighting to overcome my addiction to Diet Coke and going through aspartame withdrawal. The struggle is real especially when you have been drinking a minimum of 32oz a day of diet soda. Water with Advocare's Spark, iced tea, & ginger ale have been my friends. Today was the first day I went to Sonic because I felt I could handle not ordering my Diet cherry coke. I had tea with lemon and sweet n low which is saccharin and not aspartame. One demon at a time y'all.

Friday Five - Things I've been doing instead of blogging :(

I know, y'all, I haven't even almost  been a proper blogger.  I would like to make promises about fixing that but the truth is I don't know if things are going to ease up at all this semester or not.  I told y'all I was going back to school, right?

So then, Five Things I've Been Doing Instead Of Blogging

1. Memorizing muscles
2. Taking the most riduckulous computer class...EVAH
3. Trying to get my brain to work visually so I can pick out which cells are which in the picture of the microscope image
4. Staying up until 3 a.m. studying, then getting up with the kids at 6:30 a.m.
5. Deciding I deserve to be pampered and spending my birthday money at the salon.  I got a totally funky and quirktastic hair cut...and I got my hair dyed purple.

losing the impossible battle...

The sunshine has gone missing,
and the darkness has taken its grip.

My world is one big dark room now,
full of sadness, anxiety and fear.

I can't get away, it's everywhere,
following me around where I go.

There is no escape it will find you again,
you can run but you can't hide.

This darkness inside you,
that you've fought all of your life.

Is now coming to take you over.

I refuse to let it win and I want to fight,
the darkness my mother once had carried.

It's come for me now, since I've grow older,
as I am not as strong as I once was.

Do I give in and let it take me over as it did her?

Do I give it one last try and see if I can beat it down?

With all that's going on in my life and bringing me down,
wouldn't it just be easier to let it win and take over?

My body in pain, my knee and my shoulder,
my mental stability is at an all time low.

The people who can help me not close enough,
which makes the darkness seem all the more difficult to ignore.

I close my eyes and take what little hope I have,
to try and conjure up some light within me to survive.

But having lost all hope and in desperate despair,
I fall down and become the next victim of the darkness.

No one can save me now...

Lies and more lies....

Ready for this one people? Okay, get this:

My "friend" went out to California for 3 weeks. Originally he was going to help his mother with getting one of the homes her and her husband owned cleaned up. Her husband passed away last year and she was going to put the house up for sale. But things changed and he was only moving stuff from one house to the other... only a few things.

After that he was expecting to sit around and do some reading.. last I knew he was helping a "friend" move. I have heard from him precisely 3 times.. if you count a text good night as one.. in the last week. Now I don't have any really "close" friends locally here, so I am seriously ALONE. I have no one to talk to about my issues, my problems and I am an emotional mess. You know what I am sure he doesn't give a shit because who knows what or whom he's doing out there that is more important than his friendship with me. WTF do I do with myself?

I am alone, sad, depressed and miserable. At this point I feel he can go take a flying leap off a fricken bridge for all I care. Just about as much as he really gives a crap about me.. apparently not at all. I guess I am just someone who is there for him when he needs it but can't be there for me when I need it. I don't need friends like that, I need someone who is willing to help me when I need it because you damn well know (don't ya Twinsie?) that when a friend of mine needs help I would give the shirt off my back if I had to. I have so much compassion it's used and abused and I don't see it until it's too late. People wonder why I am so guarded and have my walls up as high as I can get them. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it hurts me EVERY SINGLE TIME. Why can't I get that through my thick skull??

I am a good person being used by people who take advantage of people like me. It's a hard lesson to learn, I mean over and over again I feel like a fool, but then I get taken for a ride again and it happens again. You would think I'd NEVER drop my walls again, but then I meet that person who just clicks with me and BANG I come to trust them and what happens? I bring down my guard and over time they see my vulnerabilities and they are able to sneak under the radar and here I end up again hurt and miserable.

What is fucking wrong with these people??I have so little joy, why take what little I do have away? What have I done to deserve this other than want to help people and make them happy? When do I get my time in the sunshine and bask in its rays?

Ya know I've only said this once in my life, but ya know what the hell.. FML!!!

Wordless Wednesday - A ham and a turkey

The little one freakin' loves having his picture taken.  He is such a ham.  So here he is showing off his new mohawk that he got so he'd match his brother.

His brother, on the other hand... *sigh* Well, I took 30 pictures.  But he is such a turkey.  I gave up and decided to present you with what he deems both a "normal face" and a "smile".  Note the mohawk that matches his brother's.

Since I am spilling my guts......

Well I've opened up a lot and I feel comfortable here. Letting others know what my life consist of is hopefully helping you know you are not alone... or that I am seriously messed up over here.

I missed work Monday due to my knee,which is the same knee I had ACL surgery on a year or so ago back. I spent the day with my son his "girl" friend Brianna and her dad at Jackson's Pumpkin Farm. I am sure you all saw the pics on my fb page. Anyhow I went to bed Sunday night just fine and woke up with a bad twinge. So I called out of work and spent most of the day with a heating pad on it and having it up.

Today I took my heating pad to work and towards the end of the day I didn't need it as much, but in the process have sucked down ibuprofen to help. I am doing better this afternoon than I was this morning. Also I am working 10 hours as many days as I can to catch up for missing Monday. Tonight I worked 10 hours... tomorrow I will try, but who knows how I will feel. Thursday will only be 1 hour I can't afford to miss any time from work.

Which leads me to this.. last Wednesday I got a summons from Wells Fargo Bank to go to court. I got a lawyer who will assist me with filing bankruptcy and as long as I can have 150 bucks up front my appt is on Wed, she will help. The next saving grace is that I could get the full fee paid off by May 2015 then I'm scott free! So, this weeks paycheck will be a little short on the Electric and Gas bill but will be made up next month once a few things are off my plate. I have 3 bills I am going to have them put on that... the Wells Fargo being number one. I am crossing my fingers and praying this is as easy as it sounds

Well here's to another week, hopefully I will have clearance for the weekend job, if not well... not gonna sweat over it and enjoy the rest.

She Let Herself Go By George Straight

Ya know, y'all, since my divorce, I've really "let myself go", too.  I've let myself go on romantic getaways.  I've let myself go back to college.  I've let myself go full on Eri-Quirk.  I've let myself go every place I wanted to, let myself see that I'm totally capable of strength and independence. I've let myself get "out of control" and be 100% me, flaws and all; I've let myself fall completely in love with someone who loves 100% of me, flaws and all, too.  I've learned to trust again, especially women, and I've found the most delicious and delectable and delightful Sistahood because of that.  I've let myself uncover hobbies and interests and causes that are so important and worthwhile to me.  I'm so glad I've let myself go.  Or, as me and Boston's BFF put it, "you didn't let yourself go, Eri, you let yourself out".  Well, then, fahkin' a.

Sunday Sing Along - More October delights!! Vincent Price on the Muppet Show!

Another October Muppet Show!!

Thank you!

I have real stuff to blog about, but I'm under some heavy weight and feeling very bluey-blues tonight.  But I didn't want too long to go by without thanking my girls for their wonderful wishes for my birthday!  I wish I could say I spent it doing something glamorous, but the truth is I spent most of it doing homework because I am totally a young, hot college girl now!  But I did get extra time with my man (and the BEST PRESENT EVAH, that man KNOWS how to shop!), extra time with my sweet boys, and of course, the best of wishes from my great friends!

Tonight I'm going to hunker under my "This girl <'s Boston" hoodie and watch the Notre Dame (GO IRISH!) game, while I try to forget just how vicious some people can be.  I hope y'all have a blessed weekend.  And remember, as Ellen would say, be kind to one another.

1 month ago today...

Well where to start on September 18th at 3:56 pm I lost my champion. My dog Scout has to be the first dog who's caused me as much pain losing as if he was a human. We had one heck of a bond.

We did AKC agility runs. We'd go up to the Syracuse show we only did it twice but we got ribbons for both. The first time 2 yellow and the second time 2 blue. That was the year I had to give up agility. I missed it and I know he did too.

He has been going down hill slowly. I know he had arthritis he got that Sheltie skin condition and well it was getting worse.. by the time I took him in his muscle in his back legs were gone... he was just wasting away and I couldn't stand to see him like that anymore. ( I'm getting all teary eyed just thinking about it) So I made the most difficult decision of my life, I had to put him down. I've never had to make that choice but it was for the best I know it was. I spent a good 45 min with him.

They gave him the muscle relaxer first. Then put in the catheter in so they could administer the medication. When they did they apparently pressed his paw prints into the attached photo.. so I have his paw prints so I can always have them. (again getting teary eyed)

I haven't written about this before now because I just didn't want to go through the feelings all over again, I figured it would be easier with time but it's not really any better.

I don't know if it would have been any easier letting him suffer and die on his own, but I know I did the right thing.

The final photo is one of the last photos I took of him, this one is my favorite because it makes me just want to run my finger up and down his nose like I used to. This was the 45 min we got to spend together before they put him to sleep. When he was still conscious and I could look into his eyes and he knew I was there with him.  (now crying)

I miss him so much! I was looking at his photo I have of him at work the other day and I thought "can't wait to go home and see him" for a split second I forgot he was gone. It was a sobering reminder of how much you need to appreciate what you have because at any time you can lose it.

Savory Saturday! Taco Salad

Easy Taco Salad


•2 – 15 oz cans kidney beans, drained OR 1 cup of dry beans, cooked tender (about 3 cups of cooked beans)
•1/2 to 1 pound ground beef or turkey
•1 tablespoon dry onion
•1 tablespoon chili powder
•1/2 teaspoon salt
•1/2 teaspoon cumin
•1/4 teaspoon EACH garlic powder and oregano
•1/8 teaspoon pepper
•15 oz can tomato sauce
•3 cups whole grain corn chips or tortilla chips (read the label)
•1 or 2 cups shredded cheese

I start the kidney beans in the morning, bringing them to a boil in a quart of water, and then letting them rest for an hour. Then I simmer them until they are tender and refrigerate them until suppertime. If you didn’t want to cook your beans from scratch, you could use canned beans.

Get your hamburger and start it to frying in a big iron skillet. Break it up into small pieces as you go along. When it is done clear through drain off the fat if necessary. Put the beans, seasonings, and tomato sauce in the skillet with the meat. Stir it all up and simmer it for a few minutes to blend the flavors. If necessary you may add a little water, but remember you want it thick: sort of like sloppy joes. If you add too much water then you can simmer it on the stove until it thickens up to your liking.

When the mixture is good and hot, turn it into a 9″ by 13″ pan. Sprinkle the cheese on top, and then scatter the corn chips or tortilla chips over all. I casually jab the mixture with my fork or spoon to coax some of the chips into the meat mixture. You don’t want them all in the meat because they will get soggy. But the dish tastes best with a few of the chips soaking up the pan juices. Place the pan into the oven and bake at 400° for about 20 minutes. When the cheese is melted and the sauce is bubbly, the dish is done.

To serve, place a handful of lettuce in a bowl. Top it with a big scoop of the tortilla chip/meat mixture. Then add fresh or canned tomatoes and yogurt or sour cream.

This one came from Hillbilly Housewife and it is super yummy!!

http://www.hillbillyhousewife.com/tortillachippie.htm

Friday- A year ago tomorrow..

I was going to write this tomorrow but something compelled me to do it now. A year ago tomorrow I got the 6AM call that my Dad had passed away after a long battle with congestive heart failure and a short battle with pneumonia. The hospital put him into a coma to treat the pneumonia and he came out briefly and then went back in until his wife decided to shut off life support and let him go.

My Dad was with us until I was 9. My parents split up and the divorce was final when I was 12. He called every day until he was asked to pay child support and then I rarely heard from him. He sent gifts and my Mom usually sent them back because he never treated my sister and I equally. For many years I wondered what made me so unlovable that he didn't come see me or keep in touch. When I was in High School we got a letter from SSDI that he had been disabled at work and the last bit of his child support came from there. I reached out many times over the years and I got cards occasionally and letters but not much else.

My Dad and I in 1977.

The last birthday that Dad was with us.

In 2009 he got very sick and Razark and I flew to St. Louis and drove to Illinois to see him. It was awkward but also peaceful for me because I came to the realization that I really couldn't beat myself up for a relationship failure that I had tried so hard to fix. I sent letters and kept him in pictures of his grandkids but I couldn't afford to go back up and see him.

The last time I saw my Dad in the Fall of 2009.

Dad, me, & Marjorie who is my Step Mom

Dad and Marjorie

He died October 18, 2013. It was the first day Razark could go back the work after the government shutdown ended. He repeated asked if he needed to stay home with me. I told him to go. After 2 weeks of no work and 1 7 days of working from home I couldn't ask him to stay home. I could not get back for the funeral. It is something that will guilt me forever. It was either go back and starve or stay home and take care of the family. I probably could have contacted some programs to help me get there seeing as he was an Army and Air Force Veteran but I didn't want to go alone. His funeral was the following Monday October 21. I wanted my husband and best friend by my side especially since I was not in the shape to drive at that point.

My Father and I had a complicated relationship. He couldn't travel and so he never met his grandkids. He missed my high school graduation, my wedding, and my 1st college graduation. I have 3 brothers. One doesn't talk to me for Lord knows what reason, one is an alcoholic thief who stole from my Mom and I and took off, and the youngest is the best brother in the world. I love and adore him very much. I have never met him face to face but we keep in touch regularly. He looks just like our Dad too.

I have Daddy issues. It is a double-edged sword because it allows me a deeper understanding of what children with those issues feel but it can interfere too.

I loved my Dad. I was a total Daddy's girl until he moved out. We did model trains together, we sang together, he taught me how to write programs in BASIC, and cultivated multiple loves that I still have today. He was very intelligent. His last job with the USAF here was in Weather and he taught me cloud formations and I am a total weather freak. I love Hurricanes though not the destruction that they leave behind. I have the last family picture that we took as a family hanging in the entry hall of my home. I am not sure that I have even scratched the surface on dealing with our relationship, his life, or his death. I know I have never grieved for him properly. It is hard because he, my Mom, and my sister did not get along so I have been having to grieve very privately and it isn't going well. I think about him often and I know that I tried with him. I balance 4 kids, full time school, a house, and a husband which leaves little time for chasing people to be in my life.

I wish I could say that I am over it but it hasn't even begun. I hope you all have a wonderful Friday. I have huge papers to work one for school but I am saving tonight for quiet reflection and snuggling with my kids which was what I did the day he died too.

My 3 weeks challenge

One of my closest friends is away to visit his mother and friends in California for 3 weeks.. I have decided to challenge myself to lose weight and exercise while he's gone.

I am starting at 246.6 lbs as of this morning. I have been a pretty good girl today and lets hope I can keep it up by my weight in Sunday. I figure I will do two weigh ins a week, every day on Thursday Morning and then Sunday morning... so there's no cheating over the weekend. Lets do this thing!

Birthday Wishes!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERICA....
 "The Queen of Chucks"

Love you bunches, your Twinsie -
Cindy :)

Wish Wednesday A Special edition

It isn't fair to call it Wordless Wednesday because I cannot let today go without words. Today is a very special day because it is the day that my soul sister Erica was born. You might have seen the shirt saying the reason God didn't make us sisters is because he knew our Moms couldn't handle us together? That is TOTALLY us!

I have friends. I have best friends. I have never met anyone like Erica. She is the Yin to my Yang. She is the sunshine on my dark days. I rarely go a day without talking to her at least once and if I don't hear from her, I start tracking her down. She has two beautiful, smart, handsome, lovely boys who are my nephews and I love them as my very own. This woman is my soul sister and my soul mate in a platonic way. I love her family, I love Mr. Wonderful, I love Uncle Mark, and I love and adore the Sisterhood that I have become a part of because of her.

We live quite a ways apart or I would spend the day pampering her and sugaring up the nephews. SO instead I am dedicating my Wednesday post to my bestest sister friend in the world. Happy Birthday Erica!! The boys and I love you more than words or pictures can ever tell you!

Eboli, Enterovirus & the Plague oh my......

Wow people, wow is all I gotta say. Has anyone heard about the plague found in fleas outside of a major city in Northern Arizona at the end of last month? Did you know 7 people in Colorado had  broke out from the plague in late July from infected fleas? The dog died and the flea passed it on to the people. I never saw it on the news or in the paper, you wanna know why? The government doesn't want you to know about it....

Eboli comes from Nigeria, kids in the US dying from Enterovirus and now the Plague?

Has anyone ever heard about the New World Order? (NWO)
UN Rio Earth Summit Agenda 21 - 1992

This organization is a group of the uber/super rich who want to take over and control the world. Sounds crazy doesn't it? How do you do that? Well look it up, start with looking up Agenda 21. This shows where humans will be allowed to live... now how can we fit all these people in this little area? Yeah, you get what I'm saying... one word "depopulation." Here are a few quotes that make it seem obvious to me:

“A total world population of 250-300 million people, a 95% decline from present levels, would be ideal.”  -  Ted Turner, in an interview with Audubon magazine

“In order to stabilize world population, we must eliminate 350,000 people per day. It is a horrible thing to say, but it is just as bad not to say it.” - J. Cousteau, Explorer and UNESCO Courier

“Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,” and “The elderly are useless eaters”

“World population needs to be decreased by 50%”

"Depopulation should be the highest priority of foreign policy towards the third world, because the US economy will require large and increasing amounts of minerals from abroad, especially from less developed countries”.

"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."

“Today, America would be outraged if U.N. troops entered Los Angeles to restore order. Tomorrow they will be grateful! This is especially true if they were told that there were an outside threat from beyond, whether real or promulgated, that threatened our very existence. It is then that all peoples of the world will plead to deliver them from this evil. The one thing every man fears is the unknown. When presented with this scenario, individual rights will be willingly relinquished for the guarantee of their well-being granted to them by the World Government"  - Henry Kissinger

Are you serious????

Has anyone heard about the GMO that are going into our food? Oh yes I am going there too! There is a company called Monsato who have modified corn. These people created Round Up which makes the corn immune to any pesticides and makes it so you don't need to use them.. it's already in the corn. These don't produce seeds so you have to buy more from them every year. In the process they are causing farmers to go broke, it ruins the soil and after so many years it won't produce anymore because of the pesticide going into the soil from the plants.

Then vaccinations.. I am starting to wonder if they caused my boys issues. At birth that Hepatitis shot they give babies, has so much Mercury in it.. in order for it to be properly absorbed by the body it would have to be injected into a 230 lb man. As for fluoride, don't get me started.. they say it's good to have in your water.. but did you ever look at a tube of toothpaste? Use a pea size amount on your toothbrush and if swallowed call a poison center immediately? We are drinking more than that everyday from our faucets!

I swear, if I didn't think this could be happening I would write about it. I've been researching this for weeks now and I keep watching and reading FACTS about all of this. It worries me that my kids won't have any kids or ever leave home because they have "social" issues and can't function in society due to their mental illnesses. They want kids not to reproduce, it lessen the population if they can't meet someone who wants to marry and have kids. This has been rattling around in my head for weeks and I got bold enough to post about bi-polar now it's time for me to share about this.

So if you want to know more, either Google or You tube about any of these subjects. Keep an open mind, because when I first heard about some of these things myself, I was like.. yeah whatever. Finally a year later and I decided to do a search and all this information is bombarding me and I didn't believe it until I really took the time to listen and read.

I thought the government was suppose to protect us and keep us safe with all those regulations on food? Why isn't the FDA banning these GMO food? Most other countries already have ban on them, why don't we follow? Why hasn't Obama cracked down harder and faster on this Eboli breakout? Who is responsible for all these children dying from the Enterovirus? Why is this strain so strong it's killing kids? Our government is based on Lies, Cheating and Greed, everything our forefathers came here to get away from!

I know what I think is going on. What about you? If you want to comment and bash me feel free, but some of these things aren't as far fetched as you think. My husband thinks I'm crazy, but I am growing a garden next summer... fresher foods for me all natural!

Sing Along Sunday October style

Here is a little Alice Cooper in honor of our Friday Five Spooky theme!

I also want to share something cute!

Enjoy!

Suffering from Bipolar disorder....

According to the National Institute for Mental Health.. aka NIMH

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. Symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They are different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through from time to time. Bipolar disorder symptoms can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.

The full article can be found at - http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/bipolar-disorder/index.shtml

It goes over causes, signs and symptoms, who's at risk and how they base the "diagnosis" for this mental illness. That is just a brief overview.. I can tell you what's it's like to live with it.

When I am taking my medication, everything is good. Yes, certain things can trigger me to get upset but being I have my medication the blockers in that keep me from following through. It keeps me more focused at the things at hand. Depending on the situation I can either blow it out of the water, or I can be sensible and stay calm. The medication seems to keep me from playing it over and over and over again in my head until I lose it. If I think too long on something, it will upset me. For some reason I don't do that when I'm on my medication.

BUT OH WATCH OUT! When I am not taking it, I have seen what it can do. I can take less than a second for me to lash out, start screaming, crying or even foaming at the mouth and causing my deep dark side to come out and tell you how I truly feel. Because the filter isn't there anymore and I am not thinking logically. I tend to go off my emotions and they are very strong and powerful if I am not in control of myself. When I am not on my medication I know because everything is moving fast and thoughts are scrambling through my head so fast sometimes I can't even catch them.. it's emotional overload. I tend to say things I shouldn't although I am truly feeling them at that moment..

How do I deal with this.. well I try and make sure I am taking my medication, if I am low I tend to pass on the weekends but it REALLY messed with my body. So I am really going to have to suck it up and make an appt with my doctor soon for a refill. Without it, my whole world falls apart and I constantly have the past of pain, hurt and hatred come back to haunt me. Be it what someone did to me, said to me or the actions towards me.. all just rush right back.

Unless you know me well, you'd have no idea what this kind of breakdown looks like, I am a worthless blob of emotions and pain. I could cry at the drop of a hat. No joke.

So if someone suffers from depression or as I do bipolar it's no joke, it is really truly a disease. I lost a friend who committed suicide because she couldn't deal with it anymore. She left behind 3 young children and her husband. She just couldn't handle the pain, it scares me to think her own kids lives couldn't have stopped her. As many times as that has crossed my mind, I can't do it because of Sebastian. He needs me and I don't think my husband could take care of him alone.

Thanks for reading... I hope this has shed some light on the subject. 

Savory Saturday- Hurricane Chicken

When Hurricane Rita was coming and our evacuation was thwarted, we stayed at my in-laws house. The first night we were hungry and so we made up dinner out of stuff they had lying around and this is what happened.

Hurricane Rita Chicken & Pasta

1 pkg chicken tenders or chicken breasts
1 container mixed Good Seasons Italian Dressing
1 pkg cooked pasta ( I use whole grain farfalle but you can use just about any small pasta you want)
2 cans quartered artichoke hearts (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In glass baking dish put chicken and cover with 1 bottle Good seasons Italian dressing. Bake until done. I usually bake 45 minutes to 1 hour depending on the chicken cut I use. No need to turn chicken during cooking and because of dressing chicken stays nice and moist.

Prepare Pasta per package directions.

When Chicken is done cut into bite size pieces. Logically, you could do this before but I do not. Toss chicken and remaining dressing with pasta.

Add more Good Seasons (mixed up) to the mix to taste.

We usually grate fresh Parmesan on top and serve with salad and bread

AND Since I am kind of late today I will throw in a punch recipe that we found in Cooking Light magazine years and years ago. Everyone who has ever had this loves it! Even my husband who hates Light anything.

On a side note, thank you to Beth who has consistently renewed our gift subscription for years! We LOVE our Cooking Light magazine.

Festive fruit punch


4 cups Tonic Water
3 cups ice cubes
2 cups Pineapple Juice
2 cups Orange Juice
2 cups light Cranberry Juice
1 lime sliced
1 orange sliced


Combine all ingredients in pitcher and serve immediately!

A mad woman's suffering goes on a long, long, ridiculously long, time

Seeing the Winchester mystery house is actually on my bucket list.  I didn't include it in yesterday's places to visit for two reasons.  A) I assume everyone wants to see the Winchester Mystery House (actually, on our first anniversary, Boston and I took a google maps/street view date of every place I really wanted to go.  WMH was second...I do so enjoy how well that guy knows me and just how romantic and creative he is with date-planning).  2) I am deeply burdened in my heart about Sarah's madness.  The way the legend goes is that after losing her husband and the tragic death of her daughter, she slowly lost her mind and fell prey to psychics and seers who would use her pain and tell her that she was being "haunted" because of all the people killed by the Winchester rifles.  *Cue up dramatic eye rolling here, like so dramatic my eyes might plop onto the floor and roll around, prompting me to make the pun....."don't make me roll my eyes at you!"* 

So anyway, I think the Winchester house is probably wicked creepy, but I think that I personally would primarily feel an intense sadness being there.  Because I have been immensely, terribly sad over the loss of babies.  I was just lucky I wasn't rich and nobody wanted to take my money and tell me it was my family's legacy that caused it all.

Friday Five - Five creepy places I want to visit

As everyone's favorite and freakiest expert on serial killings, mass murders and general other weird-ass-shit, it was decided I should tackle some creepy places to visit.  Here's 5 places I think would be wicked creepy to go spend a Halloween, or any other night, in.

**Some of these may be cliche, but I'm willing to bet that some of them you've never heard of**

1.  Barker Ranch - I'm completely muthafahkin' obsessed something of a Manson-phile.  I'll just go ahead and mention that I think the sight of the Tate or LaBianca murders would probably be wicked creepy, but more because of the creepy fahks who totally aren't that different from me  who peep around that place around the anniversary of the murders or, I imagine, Halloween.  That being said, most of my readings and accounts of people who have visited the various haunts (pun totally intended) list Barker Ranch as the creepiest of all the places.  That's where Manson took his batcrap crazy followers to wait for "Helter Skelter" to come down and where he was eventually arrested, hiding like a coward in a cabinet.  I think the eeriness of the place would be ramped up by "yes, that's where the Family took that famous photo" and "yes, that is part of the truck Tex tried to escape in" and simply by the pure desolation of the place.
2.  New Orleans, LA - I'm very curious about the entire city, but especially any old plantations, mansions, or manors that are still standing.  Lots of those old places had owners that tortured their slaves and are said to still be haunted (fyi, if that happened to me or my family, I would haunt the shit outta that place).  Toss in some voodoo or seance parties and a couple of old, creepy graveyards and I am so in.
3.  Helltown, OH - This completely abandoned town is home to many tall tales and legends.  Helltown is allegedly home to all kinds of stuff, everything from normal, everyday haunted stuff like ghosts and cemeteries to Satanists and mutants.  If any of these turned out to be true, this would be a kick-ass place to visit some wicked night.  Bonus points:  The town was originally known as Boston Township (Love you, Boston!).  
4.  Willowbrook State School - Though some of this horrible "school" has been incorporated into a college, most of the buildings sit abandoned and falling down.  At one time it was a state-run institution for people with mental disabilities.  However, the "patients" were treated so horribly that various news crews went in and covered the details of the atrocities.  Public outcry called for the closing of the "school" and it was shut down in 1987.  I don't know  that the place is haunted.  But I fahking assume so.
5.  Salem MA - Boston tells me that Salem is basically one gigantic tourist trap now.  That doesn't stop me from wanting to see and feel the history and presence of the sight of  the greatest witch hunt in American history.  I don't care if you can buy "Park Your Broom Here" signs, I'm sure that there is an overall feel to that place that is downright creep-a-licious!

Sleeping as much as I can...

I got good news today, I haven't been cleared to work the weekend job so I have this weekend off, and it's probably for the best as I have a major headache and I am so tired I should go to bed now. My eyes are screaming "close now!" But I have a few more things to do. I can't sleep with my 8 year old running around anyhow... all I hear is pounding all over the house. He doesn't know how not to stomp everywhere. Not even sure if I can finish writing....... *snore*

Friday Five- Scary movies

I used to say, "Gosh, who doesn't like scary movies?" And then I got married to the most anti-horror movie person I know. FFS my friends Briana & Donovan & I went to see Freddy VS Jason right before I got married. I mean that was the last fling before the ring.

So, I love scary movies even if I don't often get to watch them anymore.

So, welcome to Friday Five: Carrie's favorite scary movies:

Warning: These movies are old school.

1. The Nightmare on Elm Street
Freddy Krueger flipping rocks! My Mom took me to the movie theater to see some of them. I was 8 or 9. My big sister is a scary movie freak too.

2. Friday the 13th series
Admittedly they did get stupider than all hell near the end but Freddy VS Jason made my heart go pitter patter. I loved the movies.

3. Hellraiser
Because Halloween without Pinhead is sad man.

4. Halloween
Jamie Lee Curtis was classic in this movies.

5. The Haunting
Two words: Liam Neeson!! I love that man. I loved the house in the movie and I loved the cast.

Bonus-

The Monster Squad is an awesome kid friendly Halloween movie that my kids think is silly as hell.

Sleep Away Camp 2: Unhappy Campers is a campy, silly B gory movie with a death scene that makes my top 5 best death scenes ever. It involves an outhouse and makes me giggle.

Don't Go In The Woods- I saw this at a Houston Tribeca Film Festival event and loved it. Everyone sings and everyone dies. It has another death scene that makes my top 5. It is campy and goofy and a lot of fun. It was directed by Vincent D'Onofrio and Sam Bisbee did the soundtrack. I was lucky enough to meet them both at a Q&A after the movie and the gentleman who plays the killer in the movie is a friend of mine on Facebook. Also Tim Lajcik is a super nice guy.

I could go on but these are my favorites. They are all oldies except the last one. If you enjoy campy then please check out DGITW because it is great.

Have a spooky Friday y'all!!!

Can we talk? Thursday. Depression

I am not a professional or even an expert on the subject of depression. Nothing in this blog post should be used as a substitute for a professional opinion.

In 2002 I began having what I described as episodes. I would get the feeling of deja vu and I would frantically search for that one tiny detail  that would break the spell all the while my breathing was labored and my heart was racing. I was lucky in the aspect that I never thought I was having a heart attack but I was terribly afraid I was going crazy. After I had one driving home from work and almost wrecked my truck, I decided to call for help. You would have thought that the one that left me sitting in the bathroom at work while sobbing would have done it but I am a stubborn woman. The VA was the only resource I had at the time because my job only offered AFLAC accident insurance so I called my doctor and she made the referral. The VA redacts things from your records in the case that you have a compensable illness so my records do not reflect my diagnoses accurately.  PTSD is noticeably absent as is military sexual trauma but the Panic Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder are still there.

It sounds bad and it sounds daunting and some days it sure is but some days those issues are simply distant memories.  When you add the Fibromyalgia and degenerative disk disease to my bad depression days it might be best to let me be.

My bad days consist of me doing the bare minimum to get by and stay alive. I barely get out of bed much less leave the house. My kids are old enough to be generally self sufficient so I can give in on the really bad days. And I try to not let it touch them too much. I am incredibly lucky to have a wonderful husband who loves and supports me no matter what.

Some days I simply cannot get enough sleep. I literally sleep for hours, get up to eat, and go back to bed. Other days or even weeks I don't sleep for more than 3 hours every 24.  I sleep better these days now that I see a pain management doctor. I have a decent amount of my pain under better control than it has been since I broke my back in 1996.

When my stress level goes up the panic attacks come back. I have noticed a resurgence of them in the last year. Beginning July 2013 my family began a bad luck streak that went on for a while. In October 2013 I lost my Uncle Robert suddenly to a heart attack and 6 ,days later my Dad succumbed to pneumonia, kidney disease, & congestive heart failure.  I had been battling kidney stones since February and I was in and out of the hospital with those and I had a hysterectomy in July.

Panic attacks suck when you are awake but having them while you sleep is the pits. When I don't have panic attacks, I have nightmares. The VA wants to keep putting me on drugs to control them but I have run the gamet  of what they offer. For the last few years I have been on Prozac and it helps the depression. They say it will help the panic attacks too but it doesn't. Klonopin helps but the VA is stingy with them. So I try to focus and stay upbeat. I admin on a Facebook page called White Friday to help bring light to the stigma of mental illness and help erase it. I am finishing up my Bachelor's degree in Social Work. When I have a bad day, and boy there are some bad ones, I try to find the good things. Focusing on the silver lining helps keep it from consuming me. Helping others battle their demons also helps me.

I don't succeed every day but I certainly have many more good days now. I hope my honesty helps someone somewhere have more successful days.

My family....

My Family!

Since Erica posted a photo of her family, here is one of mine. The far left is Eric my 23 year old, in the back middle is my husband Chris and the front is Sebastian who is 8 and I am on the far right. This isn't  a very old photo so everyone look the same in it. 

It's day 4 without a day off and today at work was good. My boss and I spent an hour in her office talking. She kept telling my what a good job I am doing and how I am one of the top people in the Customer Service Department. Then my team won a challenge and we all are getting 20 bucks extra in our paychecks and I won a 10 dollar Dunkin donuts card since I was that teams leader which works for me! Will come in handy if I have no money and am hungry.

I am thankful tomorrow is Friday although I have to work the part-time weekend job this week. I have been tired lately, I think it's because we've been so busy at work it's affecting me physically. This will effectively get worse as I go along not having a day off . 

My friend Kevin leaves next Thursday to visit his mother in California for about 3 weeks. It will affect me too, I am not happy because hanging out at his place is always fun. His kids are a riot and I love how he picks on them. Don't know how I am going to manage to go that long without getting away from my everyday life. We will just have to wait and see.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can we talk? -- I've got my pride and she's got you

**Note, I don't talk a whole lot about my marriage because someday I want my boys to read this blog and maybe even write here and I don't want this to be a place where they come around and read me or anyone else doggin' on their dad.  And don't get me wrong, there is plenty of blame to go around.  But for today's purposes, the barest of details will be added.**

I started back to college this week.  I quit school around 10ish years ago to be a wife and get ready to start a family.  I'm nervous as shit.  Why didn't I just finish it up the first time when there were no kids and only a handful of stressors in my life?  The answer on that one is easy and it's tied up in self doubt, anxiety and emotional abuse.  But I'm done with all that now and now that I have just anxiety and self doubt and two kids and an ex-husband with a girlfriend who seems hellbent on making me miserable  and car trouble and money trouble and every other kind of trouble under the sun.  So, of course, now is when I decided was the most opportune time to return to school.  People keep telling me they're proud of me.  I always smile and say "thank you".  But this isn't really my proud moment.

No, see, that moment came last year around this time.  A long time fan of Miranda Lambert, my Dad had bought me a fan club membership so I could buy tickets to her Lincoln show early.  That meant that when I saw one of my all time favorite female country artists I was in the front row.  Seriously, Dierks Bentley (who opened) got up and close and personal and his fiddle player grabbed my hand and winked at me.  But ohhhh Miranda.  She was glorious, as she always is.  She was all sweetness and spitfire and sass.  Ya know, a little like me.  And I don't know if y'all have heard it but there's this great little number she sings called "Gunpowder and Lead".  The song's about a real fahking monstah guy who beats his woman.  She goes home, waits for him to get out on bail...with a shotgun.  Now, don't get me wrong, I know every muthafahkin' word to every single song she sang.  But this one...oh man, this one hit home, especially last year.  It was the first time I'd seen her since the divorce.  And as I danced there, stompin my adorable Justin boots on the floor and singing my fool heart out, I started to cry.

"If he wants a fight well now he's got one and he ain't seen me crazy yet

He slapped my face and he shook me like a rag doll.

Don't that sound like a real man?

I'm going to show him what little girls are made of...

GUNPOWDER AND LEAD"

Lyrics from "Gunpowder and Lead" by Miranda Lambert

So as I'm boot-scootin' and stompin' and singing that lyric with tears streaming down my face I realize that that's my moment.  That's the moment I felt proud of myself.  For surviving.  For being brave.  For saying, "enough".  

So am I proud of myself for going back to school?  I guess.  But mostly I'm proud of myself for showing everyone what little girls are made of..."gunpowder and lead".

Wordless Wednesday - Mama and her boys

It occurred to me that most of you know me and the boys but if you come over from Jen or Carrie's links you may not know me and the boys.  The other girls may not want to post pictures of their families and that is totally their choice.  I won't do it a lot, but in case you want to know who's talking way too fahking much  and who I'm always talkin' about, here we are.  

That harmless lookin' kid?  Do not be fooled.  That's the hockey enforcer.  (Please grow up to be Milan Lucic, please grow up to be Milan Lucic!).  The kid in Peter Parker glasses is Stomp.  My 10-year old supah-hero. And that's me there.  I don't even look like I'm turning 34 29 again, do I?  Careful how you answer that, I may or may not be armed!

Wordless Wednesday- WonderWomen

Look ma, I'm blogging!!!

Woohoo, here I am!

Quick overview on my life to start.

I am married to my husband Chris who's 45 year old. My oldest Son is Eric who's 23 and my youngest Sebastian is 8. We live a crazy and wild life...

My oldest still lives at home and does some housework to help out... then spends the rest of his day/night on the computer. He suffers from  Attention Deficit Disorder (A.D.D.) and really isn't good in social settings. Says things he really shouldn't and I swear it's all common sense!

My youngest is in 3rd grade and has Autism. He is a high functioning child, which means he can talk and everything. Sometimes too much, but I still love him to pieces.

My husband, well lets just say he's been in the doghouse for a while and I just deal with him. I just want to make sure nothing sets him off to get upset or complain because if he's happy, everyone's happy. He works two jobs, a full time and a part time and equals about 60 hours a week.

Myself, well I work full time. Then every three months I work weekend doing data entry. That adds 12 hours to my work week equaling 52. I can't stand it but I seriously need the money so I work both jobs when they are going on. It helps with bills and certain times it helps with vacation & Christmas to name a few. I am working into a peek doing the weekend job starting this weekend. I dread it but I so need the money.

I lost my dog Scout a few weeks ago.. and I have a crazy cat named Hannah. So you may hear things about that as well.

Erica is my TWINSIE! We met in an online game, she's is my long distance sister! Anytime I have a way to help her I will. I wish I lived closer to her but alas I don't, I seriously need to make a trip someday to meet up with her.

It's Tuesday, day 2 of working straight until a day off. I don't know how long it will be but lets do a running tab shall we? This will be a lot of fun! :)

Girls I'm here! 

Taylor Tuesday?

So y'all know how I'm a super young  college student now, right?

This, of course, calls for new Chucks.  (No, I still will not tell you how many pairs I own, nice try).

How about these? Yes, I know those are girls.  I can wear girls or womens shows because I am muthafahkin' freakishly short short and adorable.

Sing-a-Long Ummm Monday. Ok Ok Technically Tuesday...STFU!!!!

I have been so busy the last week or so I can't even remember what day it is. I can't sleep.......like ever! If I do it's for just a couple hours, and I seem to wake up grumpier than I was when I fell asleep. Why do you ask am I so freakin busy???? Because this week is the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta. This week is the equivalent of our "Black Friday." We make more money this week than we do any other time of the entire year. So because of this, I give you Hot Air Ballloon by the amazingly wonderful Lily Allen,

Sorry I've been slackin' guys. I will definitely make it up to you. But in the mean time.....Enjoy!

Maniac Monday - My story

I'm going to do a part 2 here on what Carrie had to say because I've been dealing with my own issues regarding pain medication and pain disorders.  I have two pain disorders (no they are not my children, hah): migraines and Fibromyalgia.  I take Topamax as a preventative for my migraines and Fioricet for when they get real bad.  It works relatively well.  I went from 4 migraine days a week down to about 4 a month.  Not perfection, but a vast improvement.  About once every 2-3 months I have to go in for the super shot of Dilaudid and Phenagran.

But that's not what I'm here to talk about.  My Fibromyalgia pain went largely untreated for a long time because I didn't have a diagnosis.  I just had pain.  A lot of it.  All over the place.  Most mornings I woke up feeling like I'd gone toe to toe with Milan Lucic.  My entire body felt bruised.  I get sharp pins and needles pain in my hands and feet and some days, frankly, they just don't quite work right.  The only relief for that particular pain is to wrap my hands in hot wash cloths.  I also have a few spots on my body (my hips, the top 6" or so of my spine, my collarbones) that hurt if you even look at them the wrong way and, forget about it if you have a 3 year old hanging off your back.  I have more bad days than good.  My arthritis doctor suggested a muscle relaxer for a better sleep pattern (which is a little ridiculous considering my sleep patterns are interrupted by anxiety and nightmares, not pain) and that I continue my yoga.  Which I do, to the best of my ability.  Then he referred me back to my GP for treatment.  My GP and I spend a lot of time together between my two kids, my breathing issues, my migraines and of course all that girl trouble I used to have before I had fahkin' leftie removed.  He knows I walked around with a broken elbow for 3 days once and I'm no light-weight about pain.  He referred me to the pain clinic back at the end of August.  They can't see me until January. Let me repeat that.  They can't see me until January.  The medication I take for anxiety is one of the medications prescribed to control Fibromyalgia so I can't get on something like Cymbalta too.  So my doctor prescribes Tramadol to treat the worst of the pain.  Now, let me be clear.  Tramadol is prescribed for long-term, chronic pain because it is a non-narcotic.  It's considered low-risk for addiction and it doesn't make any muthafuckah I know loopy, woozy or "high" by any stretch of anyone's imagination.

However, some little fahking shithead somewhere experimental types must've figured out, I'm guessing here, that if you take about 30 of them and melt them down and shoot them up you can get some kind of high.  Because now the federal government considers it a Class IV Controlled Substance.  So what this means for people like me who take it legitimately, as prescribed and without abuse, is that it is now a real son of a bitch to get.  I've been (extremely painfully) jumping through bureaucratic hoops for the last 4 days trying to get mine filled.  Between the bureaucracy and the absolute worst customer service I have ever experienced at Wal-Mart, I have never felt more like a criminal in my life.  Today I had enough of being treated like some kind of felon instead of a single mom who has a rough and tumble toddler and a legitimate, diagnosed pain disorder, and a legitimate prescription and I broke down crying.  FYI, the only reason I was having the prescription filled at Wal-Mart in the first place is because it was being filled on a Sunday and they were the only place in town open on Sunday.  I gave up on them and, sobbing, called the local pharmacy who knows me and knows exactly what I deal with and would never ever dream of treating me or anyone else like a criminal or a felon or a drug addict mom.  They offered to call the other pharmacy for me, transfer the prescription back and oh hey, while they were at it, lodge a complaint for me about their customer service.

So what I'm saying is this:  Yes, prescription drug abuse is an epidemic and a legitimate problem.  But I bet most of you never even stop to think about who else it's a gigantic fahking problem for...people like Carrie and myself who live daily in constant pain...people who take their medication (in my case it's a fahking non-narcotic) responsibly and only to control their pain.  So thanks assholes, I know Carrie and I salute you in your choices to abuse medication that people with real problems need  just to have a normal life.  The two of us deserve it and because of shitheads like you, it's becoming increasingly harder just to get through the days without pain.

Maniac Monday

So, today I want to talk about government and Pain. We know that the government is a pain in the ass sometimes but this is flipping ridiculous.

Yesterday I went to my pharmacy to pick up medication for my stomach and because they know me they pointed me to a flyer on changes they are making starting tomorrow on medication containing hydrocodone. I guess before I get into this I should tell you a little about me.

I joined the USAF at 19 and soon after (December 1999) I broke my back in 2 places during a training exercise. I had compression fractures at T-12 & L-1 from landing on my butt after a 20 foot fall from a repelling tower. And it hurt like hell but no one x-rayed the break so it was January before we knew the extent of the damage.

So, ANYWAY, we can fast forward tot he present day. I have degenerative disk disease and fibromyalgia all from this accident. I have only a small portion of the disk at L-5 and S-1 left and severe arthritis in my back. I cannot take Ibuprofen, NSADIS, Aspirin, or oral steroids at all so no Celebrex or Aleve is allowed. I am also allergic to gabapentin, Lyrica, & Cymbalta which are prescribed for Fibromyalgia. I went to a Spine Specialist who told me that surgery only works 50% of the time so he advises me to wait until I get much worse to attempt it. He sent me to a Pain Specialist. Now being in pain for 18 years changes your tolerance and perception on pain. I am told what would be a 10 fahking kill me now worst pain you have ever had for normal people lands at about a 6 for me. Kidney Stones are the only pain I seriously fear besides re breaking my back. The pain Doctor told me I have several options and we started out with Butrans pain patches and Norco for breakthrough pain. It isn't perfect but it makes the days more tolerable.

Beginning tomorrow I can only get my pain medication filled 1 month at a time with no refills allowed. It has to be written on a special prescription pad and has to be filled within 21 days or writing. Considering that I don't see the Dr but every 2-3 months, this is a pain in the ass. So now I have to drive to the Doctor, pay a copay, drive back to the pharmacy and pay for the prescription. All because too many fahking idiots have abused the system. There is no consideration for those of us who really need the medication to do simple basic functions. I served my country and I played by all the rules and this is the thanks I get? It really sucks. I don't yet know if this is only my pharmacy or if it is all of the pharmacies in TX but I guess I will find out during my next visit.

And this concludes my RANT on Pain Medication Regulation for patients with a documented need.

Blake Shelton - "Lonely Tonight" (Ft. Ashley Monroe)

It's no secret I love me some Blake.  But, oh my cookies, I adore Ashley Monroe (of Pistol Annies fame).  Her voice is what I hope some of the angels sound like in Heaven (you know, her and EmmyLou and Joey Martin and Lee Ann....I could go on and on).  Plus this song is on a little cd called "Bringing Back the Sunshine".  Hello, I am Sunshine.  It's like Blake made this cd just for me.

Sing Along Sunday with a yummy and easy appetizer or Football food

Sausage Squares

Crescent Sausage Bites

Ingredients:
1 lb. sausage (pork or turkey)
1 (8 oz.) package cream cheese...
2 packages crescent rolls
Dash salt & ground black pepper

Directions:
In a saute pan, brown sausage; drain. Add a dash of salt and pepper. Blend in cream cheese until the cream cheese is melted.
Unroll one package of crescent rolls and place on a baking sheet. With your fingers, gently press the seams together to seal them. Spread the sausage mixture evenly over the crescent roll dough, leaving about a 1/2-inch border along the edges.
Unroll the remaining package of crescent rolls and place on top of the sausage mixture. Press the edges together to seal. Gently press the seams together.
Bake at 375 degrees for about 20 minutes, or until crescent roll dough is golden brown.
Cut into small squares and serve. (A pizza cutter makes really quick and easy work of the cutting.).

Savory Saturday- Turkey Taco Soup

It isn't cold here yet but this is my favorite recipe for Fall/Winter.


This is a great soup which for us was better the 2nd day!! The recipe is very versatile and can be made as hot or mild as you like it and probably even vegetarian. One of the things I like about it is that it is easy on my stomach and full of great protein! Which is great for a 9 wk post op Gastric Bypass patient. The other side of that is my family loved it too! SO I will give you the recipe and then let you know what we added!

TURKEY TACO SOUP

Serves 5

1 1/4 lbs ground turkey

1 medium onion (chopped is fine or diced if you are trying to fool your kids)

1 can (15oz) crushed tomatoes

1 can (15 oz) Rotel & tomatoes (here is where you can really adjust your kick)

1 can (15 oz) black beans undrained (very important not to drain)

1 can (15 oz) pinto beans undrained (very important)

1 cup frozen corn

1 pkg dry ranch dressing mix

1 pkg dry taco seasoning mix


DIRECTIONS

1. Brown turkey and onion in soup pot or dutch oven. Turkey can burn easily so we did a tsp of olive oil to help that.

2. Add everythng else.

3. Cook over medium heat 30 minutes and serve.


HINTS:

I added Low sodium chicken broth because I wanted soup and it was more like a chili. Plus, I added a bag of mixed frozen veggies to ours so the we could get more of those in there.

Rotel at our Kroger was only in 10 oz cans so we used 2 cans of mild in our soup.It had a bit of a kick at first but at the end of cooking it was more flavor that heat. And day 2 was a flavor sensation. We also added a can of stewed tomatoes and could have added one more, but we are tomato crazy in our family.

Finally my husband served his with tortilla chips on bottom and cheese on top. I don't eat much in the way of chips but some 2% 4 cheese mexican blend was yummy on top and just adds to the protein.