Saturday, June 20, 2015

We are down but not out

The sisters are going through some stuff and in supporting one another this blog has become slightly neglected. Tough. We take care of each other first.
Please send love. There has recently been a lot of loss. We are working on holding on to the good stuff and as I said, each other.
Soon we hope to be back to regular posts about our families, White Friday, planning a wedding, and even welcoming a baby to one of our girls!
I am going to close this by reminding you that suicide is a choice but not a good one. It is permanent and you leave behind a lot of emotional wreckage. Please seek help first. Let this rough time be a semi colon not a period.
Be kind.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Be fierce.
Be authentic.

Hi, it's Eri.  I just wanted to add a quick note to what Carrie already said so beautifully.  First of all, thanks for staying with us.  The sisters who aren't going through a tough time are doing our darndest to hang tight to the sisters who are.  And yes, we really consider each other sisters, a nuclear family.  You don't have to be blood to be family.  Secondly, I just want to add the phone # and link to the national suicide hotline:   1-800-273-8255.  The National Suicide Prevention Hotline.  Please, please, please DO NOT make a final decision like suicide.  There is help.  There is hope.  Please reach out to someone.  Finally, I just want to second Carrie BoBeary's request for love and prayers.  These girls mean the world to me and their pain is all of our pain.  

Thursday, June 18, 2015

A 20 something's perspective

This was sent to me by someone who wanted to share it anonymously. Having been a 20 something once in my life, I was happy to oblige.

Did I imagine the spark when our eyes locked the first time? I felt like I had fallen into a clear blue ocean. You were suspicious of me from the beginning, rightfully and not rightfully so. I was a part of a bigger plan originally until I met you. I found myself drawn to you. My whole day was made in those early morning hours quietly moving around one another. Mumbled morning greetings and on to work in a comfortable silence after a promise of honest communication as the first line of dealing with ill feelings. After a while the days continued to be brightened by random conversations over lunch time even when I exuded the 'fuck off' vibe to everyone else... You poked and prodded until we were chuckling. How could I ever think of sticking to the plan? I grew to hate the plan. I protected our world instead always insisting there was nothing to report. I found out so much about you over breakfast, lunch, and after hours. I could feel your moods from early on. I warned others when it was time to go easy. I fretted over you even as you brushed me off. I am not sure why I have always felt protective over you but I do. I can't shake you and I don't want to.


I think Miss J is an empath. What a sweet and powerful sentiment. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Been too long I know, but I'm still here.

Been dealing with too much lately. Have too many kids, work too much, just don't seem to have time to breathe let along write on here. But I'm still here, and I am extremely thankful that I'm still included, that I didn't get deleted, because I feel the need to share. I wrote this to my boss. Well ex-boss now. I still haven't decided if I should give it to her or not. Not entirely sure if I wrote it just because I needed to say these things, or because I wanted to make sure she knew. But right now, I just felt like I needed to share. So here it is. I don't want to promise, but I will try to fill in the details of how this happened. If I don't I'm sorry. And again, I apologize for being MIA for so long, just know I haven't missed a post, and hope you all know you are all in my thoughts!

                I’m sorry I haven’t spoken to you until now. I haven’t wanted to say anything to you until I could do so with a calm head. Unfortunately, that took almost a month, because my heart takes a long time to heal, and you ripped my heart into more pieces than could heal in just a few days, or weeks apparently.
                I completely understand that you are running a business. I understand that you have to do, and say, whatever it takes to make that business successful. But what you need to understand is that the people who are there running that business, the ones who deal with all the bullshit, the ones who do the actual dirty work, the people who are making YOU money, ARE ACTUALLY PEOPLE!! They are human beings, with problems outside of that hotel. They have feelings, families, and BILLS that have to be taken care of as well! What you need to realize, is that when you have someone there who puts EVERYTHING they have into YOUR business, you need to appreciate that. You need to STOP for a minute, THINK for minute, and REALIZE for a minute, that maybe, just MAYBE, the things you do, and the things you say, and the way you treat them, might result in ways more than what is going to immediately affect you.
                Stop for just a minute and think about something Joanna. Did I EVER ask you for a raise? Did I EVER ask you for a bonus? NO. I DID ask you when you were going to send me for training. Why? Because I wanted to learn how to make your business better. I craved the skills I needed to do MORE for YOUR hotel. I believed you when you said you saw me in YOUR chair. I believed you when you told me that you would train me to do the audits, and when you told me I would be in the office. I BELIEVED YOU!!!! The problem I have is, when you asked me about something, you NEVER believed me. You didn’t believe me about not stealing donuts. You didn’t believe me when the WD-40 came up missing. You didn’t believe me when I told you I would have NEVER let Morgen clock me in an hour and half earlier than I actually got there. But the main thing Joanna, is you didn’t believe me when I told you that I didn’t steal $153.24 from you. I have the reports, I made copies Joanna. I know exactly how much money I made you since I’ve been there. I know how many rooms I sold for more than you charged. I know how many suites I sold. I know how many Wyndham Rewards memberships I signed up. I also know that I didn’t profit at all from any of that. YOU DID! And again, I NEVER asked for a dime from all of that profit. Yet you for some reason believed that I would risk my job, risk my chance of running YOUR hotel, risk MY LIVELIHOOD for $153.24. I don’t think you realize Joanna how much I LOVE that hotel. I LOVED the guests. I LOVED all the things you let me take charge of. I LOVED how well I did all the things that you never even asked me to do. I LOVED being able to come up with ideas that you hadn’t thought of. I LOVED acquiring business that you wouldn’t have had if I had not taken the initiative. I LOVED ALL OF IT!!! I even loved you. I loved that you gave me the freedom to accomplish things that I never realized I was capable of, but you let me try. I realized I was good at things that I had never had the opportunity to experience until I was there. You gave me that freedom. That opportunity. Yet it all came with so much a higher price than I could have ever imagined. I NEVER lied to you Joanna. I NEVER STOLE from you. In fact if I ever even got the slightest idea that someone working for you was taking advantage, or not doing at least the minimum they should be, I ALWAYS let you know. I told you over and over how much it upset me that other employees didn’t take pride in their job, or in the hotel. I wasn’t paid to do that Joanna. I just did it, because I loved it, because I wanted to, and because I didn’t see the point in working somewhere if I didn’t take pride in what I was doing.
                Like I said before, I understand that this is a business for you. I understand that your past has made you how you are. I understand that you have had lots and lots of employees, and you probably don’t remember over half of their names. But THIS employee remembers you. THIS EMPLOYEE remembers coming in, working when NOBODY else could. Making more money than any other employee did, because any other employee didn’t give a shit. THIS EMPLOYEE got her heart shattered because she believed that her employer BELIEVED in her. BUT THIS EMPLOYEE WAS WRONG. Because even though you told me how much your heart ached for everyone on this planet, you proved by your actions that those were just words. You proved that you would rather believe bullshit rumors from ex-employees who were jealous of the fact that she would never live up to the dedication and hard work, and figured spreading rumors and lies would get her farther in life. She was right apparently. But I guarantee you she will never be dedicated to you or that hotel like I was.
                I love Microtel. I love you, and I love Arthur just as much as any other family I have. Which is why I’m as hurt as I am. I would have stayed there making slave wages for what I did, forever. All you had to do was trust me. All you had to do was keep letting me know that you appreciated how hard I worked for YOU! Because that’s who I did it for. I sure as FUCK didn’t work that hard because of how well you paid me. I don’t care who told you what. At this point it really doesn’t matter to me. I am not on drugs Joanna. The fact that you have seen me shed tears over how drugs destroyed my family just makes that accusation so much worse. But that’s water under the bridge. I worked my ASS off, because I was dedicated to you and that place. Anyone who tells you different, is only trying to make me look bad because they know they will never COMPARE to me. But good luck finding someone who does, especially for what you are willing to pay.
                Thank you for being a part of my life, and of the growth I experienced while I was with you. Thank you for letting me realize what exactly it is that I’m worth. But most of all, thank you for opening my eyes. I realize now just how NAÏVE I am. However, I never fail without learning a valuable lesson, and I have learned from you, that no matter how nice, or sweet someone is, more than likely, when it comes to business, YOU CANT TRUST ANYONE.
                And I’m just adding this for my own personal gain. I’ve had several interviews these past few weeks. Every single one of them has asked me what my beginning salary was, and my ending salary was. They also ask me what my duties were at my last job. It’s really embarrassing when their eyes bulge out at my salary after telling them all the things I did for you. Nobody believes that I did what I did for such SHIT wages. NOBODY. This has happened 6 times now since I left you. 6 times I’ve had people interviewing me gasp at what you paid me. Again, I just thought you should know.
                Best Regards,

I raised the revenue almost $50,000 in less than a year. I had zero hotel experience when I started. MY DROP got stolen. My drop of $153.24. A week after it happened, since her cameras have never worked, she decided to tell everyone who works there, that she was positive I had stolen it because she thinks I have a drug problem. She erased my name off of the schedule, and didn't even have the balls to tell me. I heard it from a co-worker. She has absolutely NO proof of either accusation. She even caught the person I am 99% positive stole the money, stealing from her AGAIN 2 days later. Who had $100 missing from his drawer 2 days prior! Yet a scorned ex-employee put an idea in her head, and she ran with it. I do think I need to give her this letter. If for no other reason but closure for myself. I don't however have any expectation that she will have even an ounce of guilt for what she's done. She has already denied that she said what she did, even though I heard it from several employees before I actually let myself believe she had actually said it. I feel like I've been cheated on, or betrayed in the worst possible way. Not only did she betray every trust I had in her, she has destroyed any chance I have of using the experience I gained, and the accomplishments I made while working here, because she has refused to say anything decent about me to any future employer that has contacted her since I've been gone. The worst part is, not even a week before this incident happened, she gave me a raise, she hugged me, and said she doesn't know how she could possibly run this place without me. She can't even figure out how she did it before I got there. Yet, after the incident, she took my raise back. Said she couldn't afford the whole quarter she gave me since she has to replace the stolen money. 

Thank you for listening. I just really needed to get this off my chest. Again I apologize for my absence, and promise to try and make my presence known a little more often!! Much much love to all the sisters!!!

Monday, June 15, 2015

"Missing him was dark grey, all alone" - Taylor Swift

So I've been incommunicado, I know.  Finals and then a two week vacation to NM to see some family and try to unwind.  I pulled off a 4.0 for my toughest semester yet.  I have 4 semesters to go and I'll have my CMA in hand.  Yes, I am proud.  If you'd been through all me and my family have been through this semester and not only passed your courses but did so with straight A's, you'd be proud too.  Without my ole' man around to complain about all the T-Swift, me and my girl been rocking out.

There's something so phenomenal about the imagery in this song.  It's powerful and sad and beautiful all at once.  And if I get it stuck in my head, I will cry at some point.  But I still love it.  Using the colors and the other imagery to perfectly, so perfectly, describe an ill-fated relationship is brilliance.  Just brilliance.