Saturday, November 15, 2014

What I have learned.... (reflecting on my life between age 30 and soon to be 40)

Well, being that I turn 40 next year.. (February 1st) I felt it may be time to start writing what I have learned so far... I mean I still have a few months left to go but hey, why not start now.

My son was born in 2006 when I was 31. Since then 8 years of my life has been spent fighting to get him the help he needs to grow. I knew something was wrong when he was 1 and hadn't reached the milestone other "normal" kids at his age where reaching... at age 2 I was able to get him into early intervention and had a speech therapist come over and work with him twice a week. The first time he was a word I was in tears!

Then his first year of preschool I literally had to argue and fight with the guy to get him in... finally he said "mornings or afternoons." I was like "what?" the parent advocate looked at me and said "you won, he's going to let him in." But the second year we had gotten the diagnosis that he had Aspbergers, so it was easier to get him into the program. Also we had a new person heading the group so it's been so much easier since, haven't had to fight since the jerk guy left.

Also I learned that even if you trust someone unconditionally, they WILL betray you and you will be made out at the bad person in the end. Oh I can't begin to talk about this without getting all pissed off.

In short I work with two people who twisted it all around and made ME out at the bad guy in the end. Such a load of bullshit if you ask me. I have am also SO sure they've talked to people I work with and everyone know about it and thinks I am the person who caused it all... but I've decided I don't give a care what others think about me... I am true to myself. I have a quote posted on my wall.

"Worry about your character and not your reputation.. because your character is WHO YOU ARE and you reputation is only what other people think of you."

It's been 2 years since I've had those two people in my life and they know NOTHING of what is going on and I could care less what they are going though. I hope they live happily ever after... HAHAHAH! I lie, I wanna be there when karma comes back and kicks their ass for everything they've done to me. It's not a nice thing to say or feel but why not, I'm going to hell anyways!

I've also learned that I can't deal with people who can't follow rules I've set up ... totally disrespecting me in the process.. and ironically enough it's not my kids I'm talking about either. I think I've realized that my husband and I are not compatible anymore. As I've closed myself up, I realize how much him and I clash on a regular basis. I feel bad for my kids, especially my youngest whenever we break out into a fight.

I've also vowed NEVER to spend money I don't have. Having to file chapter 7 because of how bad things have gotten I NEVER want to do again.. from now on it's cash only.... if I ever got another credit card it's only for emergencies... like a car break down or needing a tow. PERIOD. Money management here I come. Life was so much easier when I first moved out on my own and had NO money... I lived off tv dinners, ramen noodles, sandwiches, mac and cheese and hot dogs. I started that way, that's how I'll do it again.. I don't care.. Keep IT Simple Stupid.. K.I.S.S. is my new motto when it comes to money. I am going to start a backup savings in case of emergencies for the future.. no more depending on credit!

These are just a few things I've come to realize and let me tell you it's taken more than a few days to process this stuff and to figure out how not to kill someone, or do something rash.. then learn from it and change myself to be stronger because of it... some of these things will caused me pain for the rest of my life and others will improve my way of living. Lets see what else I can learn in the new few months before I turn the big 40.

Come along for the ride with me... this should be fun!

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