Friday, July 31, 2015

Friday Five Diagnoses and Reality

Good afternoon fair reader,

Today I am going to continue to delve into the realm of mental health with you. We are getting ready to celebrate our 2nd Annual White Friday when we wear white to shine a light on mental health. Depression and mental health carries a huge stigma and the way to dispel that is to talk about it. So, instead of just telling you the research or stuff you can get on your own, I have decided to talk to you about my personal battle. Maybe, it will help you be honest about your own experience and we can start talking about it and supporting each other rather than perpetuating the darkness.
So here are my FIVE diagnoses that are mental health related. The last one just contributes.
1. MDD- Major Depressive Disorder
Yep, I fight (and mostly win) the big D. MDD is more severe and chronic than just depression and you get that label after having long periods of depression without a break.

2. PTSD- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Although I did serve in the USAF, I never saw combat. I broke my back in a training accident at 19. It ended my Nursing career and just about broke me. It added the MD to my D. Then while awaiting medical boards for my discharge I was a victim of what the military calls MST or Military Sexual Trauma. You civilians call it rape. Victim shaming from someone who was supposed to be my friend and threats of the perp kept me quiet for years. None of us are in the service anymore so I don't have that reason to hold it in.

3. PD- Panic Disorder

This is the shitty one. It wasn't so bad until I almost wrecked my car driving home but everything went downhill from there. Thankfully I had the best boss ever at the time who put up with me while we got things under control. I probably should have gotten fired for walking away from the register to sob on the bathroom floor because I thought I was going crazy. And the first morning after I started the meds that kept me from having the Panic attacks in my sleep, he nursed me through by helping me get the fog out. I never got to thank him for that but I was fiercely loyal to him.

4. Anxiety

Gosh, I have had social anxiety forever. I was teased mercilessly as a child. The reason I survived the bullying was because I had some awesome friends and a great Mom and Sister at home to support me. I have always known that I had a higher purpose on this earth so I fight it and go on.

5. DDD/CP/FMS- Degenerative Disk Disease/ Chronic Pain/ Fibromyalgia

This all stems from my accident. I had a compression fracture of T-12 & L-1 and broke off some bony bits on my spine. The USAF told me it was a sprain and sent me back to training. They were going to make me continue the exercise but I couldn't sit, stand, or lie down without crying. Oddly, they still never x-rayed me. I went to my civilian doctor to find the break. I have had back pain everyday since.

I carry on because I cannot quit. I fight because I do not know what else to do. I fight for others because while I do not understand your exact situation, I do understand what living in the dark feels like. I also know the gratitude that I felt and still feel for the people who stood/stand by me.

Please take someone's hand and come in to the light rather than taking your life. Take mine. We can move slowly as long as we move forward.

Come over to Facebook and search for White Friday. We post articles, and supportive memes, and resources all the time. You can contact me and I will do my best to find local resources for you. Just don't make an irreversible decision over a temporary problem. Please.

Love, Peace, and Light to everyone!


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