I know we haven't been sticking with themes much lately but I figured I would incorporate it into my post. I don't know who reads this stuff. Hell, anyone can access it that knows how to use a search engine. Sometimes I let this limit what I post or sometimes I abstain from posting all together. You know I am pretty sure that a certain family reads along and the baby beating c$$t cannot help herself but this is too important to care about them. If we don't talk about stuff like feelings, thoughts, and mental health then we cannot begin to erase the stigma. So what the hell, be the change you want to see in the world... Right?
Five feelings prevalent in my head this week:
3. Self hatred
Not nearly as pretty of a picture as those of you who know me see, is it? Yep, that's right folks... I wear a mask too. So do you. Not every moment of everyday but you do. And I bet, like me, at the end of the day when you get to your safe place you are exhausted. Keeping that charade up for long periods sucks! It's OK though because I understand. I understand that sometimes keeping up appearances is so much easier than trying to tell someone what is going on in your head. I cannot explain why I feel some of the feelings that I do and that list is woefully short and incredibly incomplete but it is Friday FIVE.
While I cannot explain all of my feelings, or even all of the five above, I will explain the two most important ones. Number two and number five are the most important ones because those keep me grounded in some kind of sanity.
The urgency to keep going to see this bad spell to the other side. The urgency to hang on in school with everything that I have. The urgency to get home to my boys and enjoy them. The urgency to help those people who have lost their urgency.
The stubbornness to not give in to the darkness. The stubbornness to hold on to the urgency. The stubbornness beat this bastard depression and then to control the bitch named anxiety. The stubbornness to give someone else the will to go on. The stubbornness to make sure that this isn't the end of my story. The stubbornness to help you see that this isn't the end of yours either.
Go in peace, light, & love into the weekend. Let's try to laugh without abandon but if not just hold on until tomorrow. Brighter days are coming.
Love you all!