Wordless Wednesday - The Monkey Edition

Joshua rocking Mama's glasses

Proof that he is at least *part* monkey

Dear God, please let those be clean big boy pants...

Stomp and Joshie Mark

How could anyone hurt this sweet face?

Obsession's a killer...even for a 3 year old!

Meeska, Mooshka, MICKEY MOUSE!

If you are in the Nebraska area and suspect a child is being abused, DO NOT HESITATE TO CALL: 1-800-652-1999!   If the child is in immediate danger, please call your local police station or dial 911.  Not one more child.  

Wordless Wednesday:(Don't Ever Lose) The Light in Your Eyes

The Mama's Heart

Yesterday was every inch a typical Monday.  Craziness with school, with the kids, with everything.  You know, ugh fahking Mondays.  Compounding it, we had to go to the big city to pick up my car.  On the way home, it was just me and Joshua in the car.  We talked a little while about things of great importance on the way home.  I had just given our decision regarding his abuser's future to the attorney and I guess I was just feeling a little melancholic, a little angry, a little stark-raving-mad. My precious monkey had not had a nap, making him a little angry and a little insane too.  We were quite a pair. But still, we talked about airplanes and "Bubba" and daddy and cows (editor's note: NOT his mother, actual cows) and friends and music.

I remember having talks with his brother like this, on long rides home from somewhere.  Stomp wasn't as verbal as Joshua is, but I always understood him.  It's part of my job as, not just a mother, but a mama.  You see, I've been thinking a lot about mamas these last couple of months.  I know a lot of people who fit the role of mother and of mama and of how different we can all be but how well we can all come together.  Joshua's trauma and pain was brought on by somebody who was a mother, somebody who wanted to be a mother to him but who ultimately would never be his mama.  Maybe that's why she did what she did.  I honestly don't know and I don't think I ever can know.  Because I'm not a mother, I'm a mama with a mama's heart.

Having a mama's heart means: loving your kids enough never to put them in danger, loving other people's children and putting their needs ahead of the needs of adults and ahead of selfish desires and impulses.  It means snuggles when they're sick or sticky and stern talks when they're surly and stubborn.  It means hugs when they succeed and when they don't.  It means sleepless nights and a thousand tears shed over how best to protect them.  And, yes, it means guilt when you realize you can't protect them from everyone.

Right now, there are a lot of people feeling guilty that Joshua got hurt, including me and his daddy (don't worry y'all, there'll be a post about "father"s and "daddy"s too).  The only person who doesn't seem to feel it is the one whose fault it actually is.  We all know logically that the statement about abuse is true: "it is nobody's fault but the abuser's".  That doesn't mean that everyone who loves Joshua doesn't feel at least a little guilty for not being there.  I smash mine down with a giant hammer and tell myself that I tried  to protect him.  I knew she wasn't right.  But the law isn't built to protect children.  It's built to hide bruises and to acknowledge cover stories.  And I suppose she skates off again this time.  But, she'll never get another swing at my kids again.  Their mama and daddy will make certain of that.  .

The boy who lived

No, not Harry Potter! Joshie Mark!!

Once upon a time this evil woman tried to dull his sparkle out of hatred and jealousy. She gave step parents everywhere a bad name.

Joshie still smiles. Joshie still laughs. Joshie still imitates Mama. Joshie still steals hearts everywhere he goes! His family far and wide will never let this evil woman near him again.

The only thing good that came out of this was that his parents have been able to come together and co-parent for the benefit of he and his brother which will go far to heal the wounds she caused.

If you suspect child abuse, please report it. My nephew is a survivor because his Mama is strong and brave and took him to be evaluated immediately. Trust your intuition.

Also, I wanted to thank MH for his support of Mama and the boys during this difficult time even while being in a tough spot. It is much appreciated by those of us who want so badly to be there.

Sing Along Sunday - Joshie's Jam!!!

As we all know, Eri LOVES Ed Sheeran. Well, so does Joshie Mark. So much so that he has declared Ed's song "Don't" as his "jam". He'll tell Eri, "Mama, play my jam!"

The song also talks about not taking advantage of those who love you. Joshie loves unconditionally, regardless of who you are. He makes friends with everyone he meets. He has truly stolen my heart. His unconditional love for one person was not only taken advantage of, but destroyed when this "person" chose to maul him for not using the potty. The little angel is now terrified of potty training. That's why we are dedicating this sing along to him, and I chose his "jam" just for Joshie. Auntie Jen loves you, unconditionally, forever and ever.

If you know a child that is in Texas and being abused, here is the information to report it:

1-800-252-5400 or https://www.txabusehotline.org

Sing Along Sunday- I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more...

This song is for my nephew Joshua Mark. He is a cuddle bug, he is his own person even at 3, he is funny, and he is LOVED!


Someone hurt him. Someone who was supposed to care for him. Someone who claimed to love him and his brother and wanted to raise them. She tried to cover it up with a ridiculous story to his Mama but Mama is smart. His Mama knew that someone had hurt him and she did everything right. The law in Nebraska says that because this person has no record THERE she can do diversion and have it expunged. There will be no trace for her next victim. The other option was probation which lets her walk free with no therapy, no classes, no nothing but the idea that someone is watching.

Joshie Mark gave me my nickname, Auntie Carriebobeary. He loves me even though mostly it is from Facebook pictures and posts and chats and not getting to snuggle me in person. This does not dampen the love that I have for him, his brother, or his Mama at all. In fact, it strengthens it because even though we don't see each other every day they are always in my heart.

I had a dream last night that ended with me lying on a couch reading books and Joshie came up and asked, "What you doing?" When I told him that I was reading a book he took one of the 3 (?) I had and crawled up on the couch to snuggle me and 'read' with me. Best way to wake up to the fact that it will be a bit longer until I can snuggle Joshie Mark in person.

I feel like I have known his Mama for lifetimes. The line for how I feel about his family is from a Mary Lambert song, " How did I miss you when I didn't know you?" These guys make my world (and the world period) a better place.

So to Mama, Stomp, & Joshie Mark:

I have loved you for thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more!

I present the talented, impeccable, and adorable John Barrowman, MBE!



If you live in Texas and suspect abuse here is the information on who to call! Reports made through this web site take up to 24 hours to process. Call the Texas Abuse Hotline at 1-800-252-5400 if
•You believe your situation requires action in less than 24 hours.
•You prefer to remain anonymous.
•You have insufficient data to complete the required information on the report.
•You do not want an e-mail to confirm your report.


If you want to email your report is you may go to the following website:
https://www.txabusehotline.org/Login/Default.aspx

There's a reason for the world, you & I

This is my family's song.  It's about a guy who goes looking for answers to the meaning of life.  He's told simply that it's a riddle, "You & I".  As he lives life, he gets busy, caught up in life but he's always reminded of this riddle until one day he looks around, at his angel, at his kid and he realizes the answer to the riddle is "You & I."

Having children is a humbling experience.  You put their needs above your own, above your spouse's, above everybody else's in the world.  At least that's what you do if you're a good mom.  And  I am.  I'm a great mom.  I love my boys with every single fiber of my being.  But, still, I couldn't protect my youngest, my sweet little miracle boy.  The baby they told me I'd never have.  The baby who, last week, swung off a coat hook into my arms.  The baby who dresses up like me and then proudly declares, "Look, I'm YOU, Mama".  The baby with a beautiful pale white face with a little scar in the shape of a cross from stitches he had when he had an accident with the arm of the recliner.  The baby with the biggest brightest blue eyes you've ever seen.

The baby who, while potty-training, had an accident.  The baby who trusted someone who turned out to be a monster.  The baby who told that monster he was sorry after she hurt him.  The baby whose baby blues hold fear sometimes, now that they've recovered from the right one being swollen almost shut.  The baby who won't even look in the bathroom now.  The baby who still sometimes stutters with fear about trying to sit on the potty.

That baby, my baby, has known the words to this song since he was just 2 and 1/2.  And he loves it.  And this week, we're dedicating sing-a-long Sunday, and a few other days to him.  If you love my Joshua Mark like I do, share a song, share a memory, share a picture.  But please, share your prayers.  Because this has only just begun.



If you are in the Nebraska area and suspect child abuse, DO NOT HESITATE TO CALL: 1-800-652-1999.  If you are in another area or the situation is an emergency CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY.  NO MORE CHILDREN NEED TO BE HURT.  THIS IS A SITUATION THAT *CAN* AND SHOULD STOP.